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Yesterday I shared a state of mind that I have been wrestling with for a few weeks. My question for today is, what is the battle I am fighting? Is it the devil himself attacking me, trying to destroy me? Perhaps it is one of his henchmen. A scene from Frank Peretti's book This Present Darkness being played out in my life, demons and angels fighting for influence over my mind. Looking at my actions, I am afraid I have been listening to the wrong voice. Fortunately, the answer is in the book. I need to pray. That's where the angels get their strength, right? If I pray for my angels, they will be strong enough to win, they will lose me from my chains of depression and everything will be right.
But is this my battle? I believe there is a battle between the spiritual forces of heaven and earth. Where, then, is my battle field? My heart, mind and soul. I am fighting to hold on to the One who can save me. The truth is I am not strong enough to defeat Satan or any of his minions. Good news. I don't have to be. Satan is already defeated. Defeated by Jesus at the cross.
So whose side am I going to be on? Obviously, I want to be on Jesus' side. I sometimes get caught up in the little bit I can see. Walking in the valley of the shadow, I see a lot of darkness and not much light. After all, Jesus never said following Him would be easy. In fact, He promised it would be hard. But He hasn't left us to face the difficulty alone. In Hebrews 13:5 (NIV) God says, "Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you."
I painted yesterday's bleak, dark picture on purpose. I wanted to express the view from the window of my soul. I want to be real with people, not just putting on a happy face so as not to upset anybody. I hope the gleam of light in my writing was not missed. The sliver of hope. That even in my darkest hour, even when I felt like giving up, I was holding on to the promise God made. Yesterday's expression broke a dam in my soul. It showed me how much I really needed to connect with God--to get a reality check. It wasn't easy to get through my pain and despair so I could feel His presence. The battle was worth fighting. Once again, God proved that He will not leave me.
4 years ago
3 comments:
Ahhhhhhhh
Like a breath of fresh air.
Yes! The battle is His and He has already won. We simply need to draw close. Didn't we know that?
Yes. The gleam of light was there.
Good news! Heaven awaits!
The closed-in walls of a house bereft of all sounds except those of man's commercial manufacture. Perhaps this loneliness and despair is the darkness before the dawning of a new thing. It happens that way for me sometimes. We have an adult prodigal living with us and there is always drama. It affects my heart and soul and sometimes my marriage. But just about the time I think I can't stand LIFE anymore as it is, God gives me a lull and a bright new promise and a bit of hope. Then, with HIM I can go on.
So, Dear Friend and Brother, stand firm on what you know and look to see what exciting doors He's opening. And remember, sometimes those doors only open a crack and we miss it.
Blessings,
Lynniegirl
I know those struggles too... I like Wormwood, Screwtape Slubglub and the rest of C.S. Lewis' demons... but the point is the same; there's a real battle being waged! Perhaps we are more fortunate in knowing this... I don't think Job had any clue to preview in the very beginning of the book.
Bill
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