What I Really Want

I was reading past entries in my journal when I found this. Somehow this thinking was lost since I pinned these words. This time I have decided to declare it publicly.

I realize I have been looking all over for something to satisfy my soul. I have been a collector of stuff. I have played games. All said, I have lived so as to make my life as comfortable and pleasurable as possible. But that isn't what I really want. I want to make a difference. I want to be a part of something bigger than myself. I want to be a hero of sorts. Instead of going out and spending my life on this pursuit, I have stayed home and tried to save my life. Now I see that as I clung so desperately, my life oozed out from between my fingers leaving me without the life I tried to save, having spent it on nothing.

Lord, I want to live valiantly for You and Your kingdom. I want to spend my life living for You. Help me to see when I am living out of selfishness instead of love. Fill me with You so I can be filled with love. Fill me to overflowing. Help me to spend it lavishly.